Once I was Twenty Years Old
by wholockian99
Summary: "Once I was twenty years old, my story got told I was writing about eveythin' I saw before me. Once I was twenty years old. " -Lukas Graham Darry was forced to grow up to care for his brothers and the boys. To Ponyboy it seems like his big brother is insensitive, but Darry hurts too sometimes. God does he hurt sometimes. (ONESHOT)
In the last week I have asked myself the same question one to many times. 'How did I end up here?' The same phrase plays itself on repeat in my mind, like a broken record. Yet I find that I have no answer. I've wracked my mind for a solution, but I have yet to find one. And now I sit here, one of the boys I cared for lies dead a few hundred yards away, while I hold my baby brother's emaciated, unconscious form and once again I ask myself; How did I end up here?

-THE OUTSIDERS-

"Soda...is somebody sick?"

Sodapop just smiles down at our baby brother, before slowly running his hand through his dirty blond hair. Ponyboy wore a wretched look, as he wheezed miserably. My heart yearned for my little colt, but there was nothing more I could do for him.

"Yeah somebody's sick." He replied before Pony slipped back into oblivion.

I heard Soda let out a sigh, as he turned to me. I gave him a tight smile, before reassuringly squeezing his shoulder. Quietly I whispered,

"We'll get through this Pepsi-Cola. He's a strong kid."

I wasn't sure if those words were meant to reassure him or me. I dare not shed a single tear, even at the funerals. I hadn't even cried at mom and dad's funeral, and the boys were flat out bawling. According to the laws of the universe, The eldest is expected to man up and be strong for everyone else. I just wished that made it okay for me to fall apart. God knows I do. It may not be in front of others, but even superman has a breaking point. I look at the gang and think I was once a boy just like them. Lord how the times have changed. My life drew the short straw and death seemed to be the motif. Would I change it if I could? ...Ask me that again in a year or two, because right now I really don't know.

"Darry?"

Soda's weary voice drew me out of my trance, as I blinked any remnants of pain out of my eyes.

"Yeh little man?"

"Can we go eat? I reckon Two-bit and Steve are starving." Soda said, chuckling at the thought of a famished, drunk Two-bit.

I internally cringed as my mind unintentionally inserted Johnny and Dallas into the list of people who'd be eating with us. I nodded my head in reply, as we headed downstairs. I asked Soda to get the other two boys, who'd been watching Mickey.

"So Dar-bear what's today's' 5 star gourmet platter?" Two-bit joked grinding wildly.

I rolled my eyes and placed the pot of spaghetti on the table, before sitting and letting the boys serve themselves first. We ate peacefully for a while, however we were disrupted as the imminent scream emanated from Ponyboy's room. The four of us were up and at his side in minutes, however it was Soda who held him. Steve just sighed and headed back, while Two-Bit knelt down and stroked Pony's free hand. He wasn't big on comforting but I've always known that boy had a soft spot.l Mom saw the best in all the boys and she sure did love Two-Bit. He cares..somewhere past that Mickey shirt covering his beginnings-of-a-beer-belly is a boy who truly cares about the world around him.

Once again it was a small voice that broke me from my thoughts. I glanced down and smiled lightly at Ponyboy, who had once again awoken and was sniffing sadly in Soda's arms.

"Hey little colt," I said, as I lightly lifted him from Soda's embrace. "It's all over now baby. You're safe. Big brother's gotcha' now."

I couldn't help but feel the warmth resonate within my heart as Pony looked up at me with pleading eyes, before snuggling in closer to my embrace. We sat there for sometime, hoping the youngest would fall back asleep. I went to lay him back down in his bed, but found it difficult as his fingers were white-knuckle gripped on my wife-beater. I gave a small chuckle, as i lay myself beside my baby brother allowing him to curl up in my embrace. His dirty blond hair seemed a dark contrast with his pale face, and it silently reminded myself to check his temperature soon. I looked over to Sodapop and Two-bit before replying,

"I think I'll stay here with him, you guys go finish up."

Sodapop gave me a surprised look, but didn't glance back as he strutted out,a Two-Bit hot on his heels.

I found myself looking down at my baby brothers small form under the covers, body wracked with minute tremors from the illness running through him. Studying his features, I was fondly reminded of his appearance from when he was just a baby. It's funny how Soda had been so jealous, yet I had been so excited for a baby brother. I see now that the tables have turned. I don't mean to be hard on the kid. He has a bright future, he is going places and I don't to watch him throw it all away. I don't want him to become like Dallas. Though I loved that hoodlum, everything mom saw inside of him was thrown away after she passed. They had a great relationship. Dallas and my mom that is. He would barge into the house, bruised and smoke bellowing from his nose in furiously, and she would sit him down and whisper to him. In a matter of moments he'd be sporting his sly smile and would be hugging my mom. I reckon she was damn near the closest person to a mother the boy ever had. I guess I only hope now that he's with her back in heaven.

Ponyboy turned slightly, and let out a short snore, stirring me from the abyss that my mind has become. His features appeared so much younger when he slept. The memories of all his first replay in my mind. His first steps had been to a plate of chocolate cake on the table. His first words had been "no" which still carried true to his stubborn nature today. His first day of school was as expected; he ended up with a bruise on his cheek. When asked what happened, he burst into tears and said a group of boys called him a sissy 'cause he liked it when mom read poetry. I remember how much trouble I'd been in when I'd decided to teach those boys a lesson after school. But I also remember the bad firsts. His first break up, where he was left heart broken and weeping. His first broken bone after Steve had gotten the football stuck in the tree, and in an attempt to prove himself to the older boys,Pony scaled the tree...only for a branch to snap underneath him. That hadn't been a fun trip to the ER as Ponyboy howled in pain and clutched his leg. His first hospitalization when he was only a baby. They said it was a mild case of pneumonia, but It could be deadly in infants. I remember mom crying, holding pony who was deathly pale, lips tinged blue. I'll never forget that moment, 'cause it was one of the only times I'd ever seen my father cry. But the hardest memory of them all was the first time he had to deal with death. I'd been the one to break the news of our parents death to Ponyboy and Sodapop. I'll never forget Ho they fell apart. Pony refused to speak to me for a week afterwards. He withdrew so much that I considered calling a doctor fearing he'd do something he would regret. But there was a night where he suddenly appeared in my doorway, before he crawled into bed beside me. He looked at me, his eyes gleaming on the brink of tears before whispering,

"I want mom and dad, Darry."

He broke down after that, and I held him all night.

I bit my lip, feeling a lump in my throat as I realized how similar this moment was. Him curled up in my embrace on the bed after having lost two people he loved. Deja vu engulfed me as I finally gave in to the sleep beckoning out to me.

(HEY THERE GUYS! Its been a while! Anyways schools almost over so I will be posting more often SOON! Hope you enjoy this! I have currently re fallen in love with the outsiders and decided to give my hand at a serious tone piece. I'm trying a very descriptive style so please leave a review if you enjoyed it!)


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